So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
