Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
pop tarts are not kleenex
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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