Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
