I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
be right there i have to get my cape
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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