Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
