**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
