Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
