You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
