i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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