Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
