Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
