At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
