i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
it hurts more in the daytime
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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