And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Randomize
