I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
