Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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