I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
