just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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