please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
