This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
