This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
