A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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