So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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