Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
