it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
