I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
