he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
