the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
