so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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