u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
