Welp...herpes.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
