So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
