im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
