Only a mothe r could love this liver
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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