Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
home. puking in laundry basket.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
