Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
