Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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