Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
