I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
