he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
