you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
