So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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