he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
