have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
