dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
