Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
