is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
