A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
