Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
