i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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