The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Dick very happy bro
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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