You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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